Frankly, I am more afraid of the goat...

Alright you little pisser, I know your parents have probably been filling your head with meaningless praise about how cute you are, but it is time to face reality. I know it's Halloween and all, but do you think it is wise, or even that clever, to dress up as a lion at a zoo? You are not fooling anyone little boy. The animals know you are only 2 feet tall, especially when you are standing next to that baby goat. Jeez kid, Get you act together

Where the hell is my lobster Thermidor?!!!!!

Stupid Baby, I don't care how long they boil you, you will never be as tender and buttery as the real thing. How did you get into that pot anyway? The chef carrying you, yeah, I think his days are numbered. Better take that pathetic look off your face, or it's back to the tank!

I AM BUSY!!!!! Wahhhhhhhhh

Oh yes, baby, you are just really busy, typing away on that laptop of yours. I mean, sure, after a hard day of work, you try to get comfortable and settle in to finish things up but umm...you're actually sitting on the computer, so unless you can type with your feet in those little booties, I highly doubt you are being at all productive.

Baby Botox?

Sure, your little chubby cheeks are cute now, but you might want to think about taking off some of that baby weight.You can't hide behind that big crazy dog forever kid.

Gaaa Gaaa Gooo Gooo...I give life to Planet Earth.... Not.

It is exactly this type of ego inflation that makes babies think the world revolves around them...Yes, baby, thanks for all the warm sunshine you provide..oh wait, you are not actually the sun, just a superimposed image. You're just soooooo sly.

Looking for that special someone...

Let's see... I'm tall, thin, single, and unemployed. I recently gave birth to a litter of 8 children (in addition to my other 6 at home), making me the proud bearer of more than a dozen spawn! I am not looking for anything long term, I'm mostly interested in harnessing sperm for my next batch. If interested, please contact me immediately. I will be good to go in 7 to 9 weeks.

I am such a big sophisticated boy!

Wow, not only am I trained to use a fake potty, I'm pretty classy with my reading material, definitely above my grade level target.... Of course, as soon as I hit junior high I'll be locking myself in with this rag for 3 hours a day. Now that's what I'm talkin' about.....

Will you be my AA Sponsor? PLEEEEEEEASE??!!! I said PLEEEEASE!!!

Hahaha, yes, baby, I know you think it's just so precious to be obviously under age and yet be mugging for the camera while smoking a cigi and drinking. Wow, yes, you are just too cute. But I'll tell you what kid, when that baby fat turns into a beer gut and the hair under your sweet bandana starts to thin, no one, not even that nice lady in the denim overalls will be there to catch you when you fall into the pits of alcoholic despair.

...Oh wow, ok well, um I have to go, and you obviously need to go jump on your Harley Davidson Power Wheels, so I'll catch  you at the next meeting.  

I make a huge mess, aren't I adorable?

When I turn 17 and bulimic, this won't be so cute

Just because I look like edamame does not mean I am as tasty

Directions:

Fill 2 qt. pot with water

When water reaches a rolling boil, stir in baby pees

Boil for 10 minutes, until al dente